Further Adventures with Spirit Bear in Dreamtime
Yesterday’s meditation was very strong but some of it was a bit personal. Nevertheless, in the interest of truth in advertising, or something like that… here goes.
I have an aspect that likes to be rude and crude. I rarely, if ever, give voice to these impulses but still find them disconcerting and embarrassing. Why would a voice in my head say the most inappropriate and crude things, especially when I am attempting to express loving kindness as a general rule?
Anyway, yesterday morning this aspect said something especially egregious but after cringing for a moment, we remembered loving kindness. This is a bit unusual because my reaction has usually been to guiltily condemn and cover up the shameful thoughts and scurry my attention into some other direction.
So I came to meditation-time feeling a bit listless… but prepared to go through the motions. After the usual induction I tumbled onto the grass in the beautiful inner Parkland and the Spirit Bear bounded out of the shrubbery. We enjoyed our usual boisterous greeting and then settled down.
After a moment I remembered the morning and asked to meet the acting-out aspect that we had encountered. Immediately a knight on horseback galloped out of the woods and rode up to us.
‘Knight’ may be an overstatement. This poor, harried gentleman was wearing old, clanking, rusting armour and seemed to have many tics and spasms and uncontrolled vocalizations. The poor dear was in quite a state.
We sat down at a table that appeared for the purpose and the Spirit Bear lay down nearby and seemed to doze off. After chatting for a few moments, I realized that this dear being was feeling terribly anxious and completely unloved so I raised my arms and we embraced.
“Welcome back into the family!” I said and this unleashed a flood of powerful emotions that brought tears. I felt that ‘I’ was the one being welcomed back into the family! For a moment I felt the possibility of finally being loved and accepted and it was almost overwhelming!
I should mention that Sprit Bear opened one eye at this point, acknowledging what was happening.
As this aspect and I looked at each other, I realized he was feeling all this too and I said, “Whenever you want to talk, let’s meet back here.”
The aspect smiled, “I’d love that!”, and I drifted out of the meditation feeling great.
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Image by Guille and modified quite a bit by me.